LET’S PUT THIS ONE TO BED RIGHT NOW…

In this Rugby World Cup (RWC) year you might find yourself tempted to predict the future at any one of the number of braais you might be attending over the next 50 or so days until the spectacle actually gets round to kicking off, and why not – the couch-coach game is a game we all love playing, especially if we are using that trusty old brown glass amber-filled crystal ball to aide us in our predictions: who should be in the Bok team and who not, who we’ll beat with that particular selection, who we’ll struggle against and then ultimately beat anyway and any other derivative of that science best left to only the most committed of us couch potatoes.

Invariably, much of what you attempt to sell your mates around the braai regarding the rugby future is based on recent form, with even those most objective of rugby analysts, the Aussie TV commentators, prepared to link the Super 15 form of The Reds to the fate of their national team in the coming year. Let me tell you right now that this is a load of the soft stuff, akin to linking Western Province’s form in the Craven Week to their Currie Cup aspirations in 4 years’ time – there’s simply too many steps up in between on the way to the top of the test rugby pile to be doing anything other than guessing, besides the fact that great teams owe some of their greatness to factors that aren’t directly related to their collective physical prowess and technical rugby skills. Although usually the best teams are the ones that possess personnel that are generally fitter, faster, taller and stronger than the opposition, in the thin air at the top of the pile these physical attributes aren’t enough. Instead, things like guts, determination, never-say-die attitude and the will to win in the face of adversity makes all the difference between winning and losing the tight ones – and these are a product of the team culture which in turn is a result of the chemistry of the individual personalities that make up that team, and not the strength and fitness of the individuals. Just ask Samoa.

If you’re at a braai next week and some genius is there trying to sell you a lemon about The Reds winning the Super 15 also meaning that Rocky Elsom will be hoisting the RWC aloft on the 23^rd of October later this year and you’re too many beers strong to coherently quote my above sentiments or just couldn’t be bothered to waste your time any further on somebody who is prepared to publicly state that a) the Boks won’t be winning the RWC this year, and worse b) that Australia of all countries will be, just quote them this score line in a suitably dismissive tone of voice: Australia 23 – Samoa 32, a result produced this past weekend and not 8 days since the final whistle of the Super 15 final. Watch the argument end immediately, whereupon you can invite said non-Bok to go on inside to smoke tampons and make potato salad with the rest of the wives. Dick.

THE KERRIE BEKER: WEEK 1

And they’re off! Man, I’ve been looking forward to this comp so much – it’s probably the only rugby we’ll see before the RWC kicks off that involves guys giving it 110, and not saving themselves for later in the year, or teams missing players with mystery “injuries” and all that other jazz that’s going to render the Tri Nations and inbound tours as mostly exercises in man management rather than winning test rugby. This week’s rugby produced no real surprises, with the minnows dutifully showing up to not win, as expected.

SHARKS 35 BULLS 16 (Played at the Shark Tank)

Pretty much the banner game of the weekend, the defending champs ended up sending the Bulls home with a swift kick up the PT pant and with nothing to show in the line of log points for their trouble, and without apparently extending themselves too much. Of great concern for the Pretoria brains trust later in the year when Victor, Bakkies, Fourie and co head off to slaughter their post-RWC cash cows elsewhere in the world would be the apparent lack of depth in the ranks – the luxury of scraping into the Currie Cup playoffs with a team made up of the other guys just in time to insert 10 Springboks to contest the rest of the tournament isn’t on offer this year as with previous years, what with the RWC on and all that. The Sharks on the other hand looked inventive and full of running, albeit slightly hampered by the early season errors that often tended to creep into some of their more promising moves, mostly initiated by French Durbanite Freddie Michalak. With potentially a bit of a vacuum of bona fide stars in the Currie Cup this year, Michalak could well be worth keeping an eye on to add a bit of razzle-dazzle to our premier local competition.

WP 26 GRIQUAS 26 (Played at Newlands, home of The Crusaders)

Certain drawn games are pulsating encounters that ebb and flow, seesawing between the teams and afterwards I’m more than happy to call that draw an acceptable result based on the shared quality produced by both sides.

This was not one of those types of draws.

The idea is to win your home games – I doubt Griquas will easily let Province (or anyone else for that matter) come up to Kimberley to that tarred patch they call a rugby field and leave with any points, let alone share them. It’s still early days and the 29^th of October is still far away, but it’s amazing how many results early in a competition ultimately come back to haunt. I hope this isn’t one of them.

LIONS 31 PUMAS 27 (Played at Coca Cola Park, where as always about 59 000 of the available 60 000 seats were unoccupied)

Not the worst team in the competition, the Pumas will run a couple of the bigger boys close this year, until the toll of contact sport starts forcing them to tap into their reserve player stock, where I suspect they’ll be shown up as we progress through the rounds. As for the Lions, it wasn’t a particularly attractive win, but a win nonetheless. Not winning pretty still involves you collecting the points, though, which they did. Winning pretty does however tend to put bums on seats, and with 59 000 unused seats in the stadium, the Lions can do with some more pretty.

CHEETAHS 40 LEOPARDS 12 (Played in Broomfontein)

Yawn. Not the last time the Leopards take plenty this season I’ll bet.

FINE THEN – EVERYBODY’S THINKING IT, I MAY AS WELL BE THE ONE TO SAY IT OUT LOUD…

Proud new sponsor Unilever have most notably brought Vaseline on board as a brand now linked to the Boks. Vaseline. Vaseline. Maybe I haven’t made myself clear enough: Vaseline.

Am I the only person out there questioning the wisdom of associating our Boks to a product best known for its “application” as a lubricant in the other contact sport of man-love? What were the image consultants in Bok-land thinking when this brand proposal first showed up on their desks? As it is we’re sending over a B-team-that’s-not-a-B-team to compete the difficult away leg of the Tri Nations– and rightfully so I might add, why subject our frontline players to a tour that in the context of the RWC later this year is unnecessary – but do we need to make them the “butt” of derisive jokes at the hands of the rest of our SANZAR partners while they’re at it? Surely the task at hand is tough enough for them. Rather send the poor guys over with a sponsorship that is more suitably masculine, like Trojan Super-sized Condoms or something – at least the marketers stand a better chance: “The Trojan Super-sized Springboks, because some animals have got bigger junk than marsupials and flightless birds” sounds a lot more combative than “The Vaseline Springboks, because you never know when you might need to ride your own bike home after a solid reaming.”

Just a thought.

Pic: sport.iafrica.com